RFC Singleness Survey Results

OK, this is a long one, here goes... (just so you know, the survey was made possible thanks to the good people at surveymonkey.com)

The following question was adapted from an article by Mark Driscoll at marshill.com.  Which of the following five negative attitudes do you catch yourself falling into and how often?

• SIN You can decide that God has not come through for you, so you take matters into your own hands. You decide to be someone who parties a lot, casually dates people you’d never marry, sleeps around, moves in with someone, or does other things that will really hurt your relationship with God. If you take this path, you will eventually come to feel horrible for what you have done and miserable in the world you live. 
• SURRENDER You can give up on ever meeting someone worth marrying. You can just stop taking any risks, meeting any people, or trying in any way. Often this is because you are sick of getting your heart broken and would rather lock it away in a vault than take another risk. But when you shut down your heart to life in general, you are not just foregoing marriage but also hope and joy. 
• SETTLE You can lower your standards to the point that nearly anyone can meet them. Single men and women are prone to have a list of what they want in a spouse that is way too detailed, long, and unreasonable. But, it is also possible to keep editing your list to the point where “godly spouse" eventually becomes “believes in a higher power of some sort,” and “I love him/her” becomes “I think I can put up with them.” This may get you a spouse, but not a long-term, joy-filled, God-honoring marriage. 
• SUFFER You can allow your singleness to become the devastating, discouraging, and defining aspect of your life. You can let it make you feel unwanted, unloved, and unworthy. You can allow it to haunt you, pushing you into shame, isolation, and despair. You can let your singleness be a club for Satan to beat you with over, and over, and over, and over . . . 
• STRIVE You can start to obsess over doing literally everything you can to land a spouse. You never leave the house without looking like you are going out on a date. You obsess over your appearance. You start an account for every Christian dating site that exists. You attend every church with a decent number of singles, and never miss a singles ministry event at any m"decent" church within a two-hour drive of your home. The center of your life is no longer Jesus, but someone you are determined to attract to fill his place. Which of these options best describes the negative attitude you can find yourself in when feeling down? (You can tick more than one)

Click on the table to view a larger version:

As a single person, if there was one thing you could change about Reading Family Church what would it be?

• More opportunities to meet with other single people not just socially but in supporting each other with the untruths that circulate in your head!
• Not putting pressure on 2 single people of the opposite sex that might be interested in each other.... be patient
• Have single programme in order to help people, because we always have marriage course and dinner but nothing for single.
• That more families would include singles in invitations to meals/activities rather than just inviting other couples/families
• Nothing - I think RFC handles singless well and actually I dont think that it's something that needs to be brought up too regularly - the reason being, I dont regularly think about my singleness... and i certainly dont let it get me down, so when someone draws attention to it then I become aware of it, along with all the emotion that goes with it.
• More consideration to the stories we tell. What metaphors or anecdotes do we use when we preach? How well do these speak to single people? Do our stories privilege certain kinds of lifestyles? (i.e. married with young-ish children living at home). 
• It would be good to give more prominence and profile to single people. It seems that couples are more commonly asked to lead Life Groups, for example.
• Not as much as RFC issue, but a Church issue in general. There needs to be more emphasis on the fact that is FINE to be single, and that singleness whether a temporary season, or permanent- is an equal calling to that of being in a commited relationship. In addition, that you can date with intent whilst going at a pace that isn't super fast.
• Want more interaction with adult couples so that I can see what a long term relationship (with God) can look like.
• More church ministry opportunities you can get involved in that really only single people could do with their time, eg more short mission trips/ travelling in UK, so feel like their singleness is being celebrated?!
• Quite often as a single person you are not invited round to people's house for dinner. But then as soon as you become a couple you're instantly worth having over for a meal. Would be good if more couples saw the value of getting to know single people as both parties have a lot to offer each other.
• Less relationship speculation
• I would love it if it was talked about more. I don't want people who are single to be veiwed as people who are waiting for marriage.
• It feels like there are more support channels for married couples or people in relationships - with things like the marriage course. I'm not suggesting that a singles course is the solution to this.
• Perhaps to find a Godly partner, one must break the walls of cliques between the young adults of RFC.
• Not sure about that but Church would always do well to reinforce the message that marriage is not the happy ending fitting for all, it's not even an ending, it's the beginning of an oftentimes gruelling hike and then the wedding ring doesn't even cross the finishing line!
• Mornings are so so hard. But I went to the evenings and I feel too old for those meetings. Would come back to the mornings but it doesn't seem as accessible to singles unless your a student. I don't know what the church can do if I'm honest but I know others who tried the morning and felt too single and left. The problem is it is a family church and there are less single and older people .
• Singleness would be talked about more. Not just the pitfalls but the good stuff as well and an encouragement to be accountable, particularly if living on your own.
• It would be great if perhaps events were organised each term with other churches nearby, giving single people the opportunity to meet new people in a subtle way.
• The big focus on marraige, and feeling that being single is just an "in between" phase rather than also focussing on singleness.
• More single orientated events. (not dating events!!) Lot of family events and events for males and females individually but not many events for singles, to just spend time together with others who love the same Father.
• An aim to encourage friendship groups of students to mix more with different groups of students. It can be a bit exclusive.
• More social events for 20s-30s.
• More advice on purity and how we can become a person suitable for a Godly spouse.
• Would be nice to be invited to dinner with couples, so I can see how's it's done
• Greater opportunity to get to know family's. And a cheeky second, I have seen several older couples looking out for younger new couples. I would love to see couples taking single people under their wing too.
• To make it easier for singles to naturally meet. This is incredibly difficult to do in a large church.
• Not so much focus on being in a relationship but instead talking about what such a gift it can be - it's taken me a long time to get there!
• The way marriage is pushed on you as soon as you date someone. It shouldn't be rushed, if the marriage is to last we have to have time to learn whether we are compatible and ready.
• Discussions on Godly marriage,how to undertake Godly relationships,tips and advice.
• Have more social events that are 'singles' friendly or have more seminar type events that will encourage those that are not comfortable with their singleness.
• Occasionally, through sermons (especially Ruth!) there appears to be an unspoken attitude that it is God's best for us to marry, that singleness is a temporary pain to be endured. I see little example of singleness being upheld or of teaching as in Matthew 19!
• The name! I nearly didn't even try RFC because the "Family" bit implied to me that the church was just about married couples with kids (as many churches truly seem to be!)
• Not to keep bringing up expectations that "one day you'll get married" and to be radical and say that the singleness described in I Cor is precious and valuable, and not to idolise it (at the risk of closing yourself off to relationships) but to treasure it.
• Maybe have 'prayer buddies' or something like that where two single people pray for each other- one of the hardest things about being single sometimes is that you feel there is no one to share your littlest problems with because you think no one else will care. Having someone to share even the little things with and to pray for you could be really encouraging.
• More men (jokes) nothing that comes to mind.
• Speed dating or talking more about how on earth does a christian female put herself 'out there'? Partially joking as per speed dating, partially not. The advice given, not at RFC, but in generic dating teaching, is you may meet people at work or at church. But what if you work with all females, and what if there is a lack of a dating pool at church,especially in the age range? Get more holy eligible bachelor christian blokes into the kingdom please, thanks :p that would be my request.
• I actually think it's quite good. My home church is very "marriage focused" (not on purpose it's just the atmosphere that has developed) and i think Reading Family church does avoid this
• The culture that everyone should be married in order to be happy/fulfilled

If you were to be single for the rest of your life, what legacy would you want to leave and be remembered for?

• I would hope that it would be reasonably similar to if I got married.
• Working with vulnerable children in mission work abroad in Africa or other countries. I want to do that anyway so am hoping if I do meet someone they'll want to do the same. Who knows!!
• A woman that was made complete fully in God
• I have not thought of that because I don't think I will stay single for the rest of my life.
• That it didn't define me. That I used my singleness to serve others in ways that married couples cant. That I still lived to love and glorify God and was adventurous i.e. did what I felt called to, jobs/travel etc and didn't let being single stop me!!
• That I was a valued member of the FAMILY of RFC and not just a single lady
• Now that's a good question... I have no answers!
• (I'm not sure why the first half of that question is necessary? What effect does being single/married have on one's dreams? Genuine question - perhaps I don't know because I've never been married!) In answer: I'd like to be remembered for living life to the full.
• For using my singleness to glorify God- to take my singleness as a gift and to use it to serve the Church and those around me in the same way I would serve my wife and children. To commit myself to loving, caring and protecting those- in ways that I wouldn't/couldn't if I were married. To love and invest in those who also felt without family.
• To be known as a joyful person who lived to glorify God and who didn't need to find fulfilment in marriage.
• The time and work i put into discipling people, encouraging people and crazy adventures i went on for God because i was just always free to say yes to them with no ties
• Someone who lived in the present and did not let joy get stolen in the hoping and 'waiting'. Someone who always hoped, but lived in relationship with God/Jesus first and foremost and continually aimed to live in HIS will and with immense FAITH. That GOD/JESUS was and will always be the core of their very being.
• Being married shouldn't define me. That shouldn't be what my whole life is about. It can easily become the focus of my attention but if I am to live a Godly life then I want to be remembered for showing Jesus' love to everyone and keeping him at the centre of my life. Just because you don't get married doesn't mean you can't have a good legacy. Being a committed Chrisian isn't about ticking the I'm married box, it's about showing love and grace in a world where that can often be harsh and unforgiving. This question actually helps me Focus on what my mission should be and helps me remember once again that I don't have to be married to be fulfilled.
• A legacy of loving God and others with all of me
• If I am single it will be for god. It would need to be for his glory. Otherwise there's no point.
• Dont know
• Serve God for the rest of my days here on Earth. Commit my singleness and energy to his way for me. Let the world know or even be brave enough to bring changes in our local communities and country.
• To be known for giving myself to the work that God had for me
• That I served God and people could see the Holy Spirit through me.
• being the Batman
• Pursuing God whole-heartedly and confidently
• The same legacy I would want to leave even if I wasn't single for the rest of my life: that I loved God and loved others, not just in word but in deed; that I was quick to apologise and willing to change; and that I didn't squander the gifts God gave me but did everything for His glory.
• Being a good friend to others. The difference I have made in my work. Work has taken too big a place in my life because of my singleness but it fills a gap.
• That I did all that God asked of me, preferably without too much grumbling, in particular loved people.
• I would want to be remembered for being a friendly, positive and cheerful person.
• Using the time i have to bless others.
• Single or married, I would want my life legacy to be a person who fervently desired the Father heart of God and followed it passionately. Someone who loved as Christ loved us. Someone who stood steadfast in what I know and believe to be true. Someone who inspires. Someone who changes things rather than simply talks about changing them. At the end of the day, someone who forgave, actively did to see change and who loved; loved God, loved people and love them-self, not because I am worthy or good enough, but because He has made me worthy and good enough and perfect, all in His image.
• Doing great things for God around the world, something like that which can often be easier when single and can show a strong sense of female power and independence.
• Being the best father I could have been for my children.
• someone who was not ashamed of being single and let God shine through it, and work with it :)
• hat God used my singleness to do something extraordinary
• A mark on history
• Being someone who invested in people. But of all generations, not just my own.
• Being a great friend, working hard, achieving memorable experiences, tackling challenges.
• That I was hospitable to couples and singles and that I'd be able to encourage and bless couples with the spare time and money I have
• That I was someone who reveled in it and used it to the best of my advantage, it was just the way I was and not something tht defined my life.
• To look after other people's children
• That I gave my life wholeheartedly to God,encouraging others and placing something good into the world.That I loved those around me as much as I would a husband.
• If i was single I would want to leave a legacy that said, 'she didn't let her singleness get her down'
• That I was a God fearing woman who did her best to do his will.
• always having time for others, helping and being a good listener.
• To have a positive attitude about being single and be an example to young women who may also be in the same position as me.
• One of the sins which I think I am prone to is to want to have a legacy!! Especially if I remain single and so don't have children to remember me, I want to do something significant, pioneering or important and of lasting value. I want to work with the poor, especially with children who do not have parent figures in their life... but while this might sound self sacrificing I know that I am in part driven by pride that others might look at all the amazing things I have endured and achieved in my life!
• EXACTLY THE SAME AS IF I GOT MARRIED!! That is, I would wan to be remembered as someone who reflected God's love to all those around me. That goal remains the same regardless of whether I marry and have a family or not.
• Whole heartily trusting God!
• Someone who served the community and served the church and loved God, and was supernaturally happy because the Spirit of God was living inside their body.
• that I was compassionate about caring for those in need.
• Being a person who exudes love for people
• not sure
• Equipping the next generation and generations to come, releasing the kingdom of heaven on earth, telling people about Jesus. Standard christian life stuff basically.
• I think i would like to be remembered for being a good friend. Being single would make it a lot easier to be able to drop everything to help someone out and i wouldn't wanna waste that opportunity.
• I don't think I would, once I'm dead my legacy and being remembered will be the last thing on my mind!

Family Matters 3: Singleness - Sermon Notes

Below is the presentation that went with the sermon, feel free to use if you wish. Sermon audio will be found here, later this week.



First of all, a big thank you to all of you who responded to the surveys I put out. Whilst they won't be directly referred to here, they have been invaluable in helping me frame the content. Results will be published here in the near future.

It seems that in our culture sexual self-expression is a god. Fifty years ago, creating a comedy film like "The 40 Year-Old Virgin" would have been unthinkable, but changes in society around how we think of sexuality means celibate singleness is now a common joke. Moreover, the huge breakdown in marriage since the 60s has rightly prompted many churches to do all they can to defend and strengthen marriages. But I wonder if a silent casualty in this culture war has been a high view of singleness and celibacy. Don't believe me? Well how many people do you know who really believe you can live a fulfilling life without any sexual expression? Any?

We need to recover a high and robust view of fulfilling celibate singleness not just as a transition phase to marriage (although we recognise most will marry) but as a lifetime choice because:

• People are living as singles for much longer due to extended education, career choices and the soaring cost of leaving home.
• Too much of the talk around singleness (in the media, at least) is around failed celibacy e.g. scandals involving priests and young boys
• There is a small, but significant, group of people in our church family, who struggle with same sex attraction and want to be faithful in affirming the Biblical picture of marriage as a lifelong exclusive union between one man and one woman.

In seeking to defend marriage, some half-truths have sprung up in the church which make singles feel like second class citizens, cliches like "Marriage makes you a more godly person" or "When we reach contentment in singleness, then God will give us marriage." These half-truths can make for helpful discussion starters, but they must never be the final or defining word spoken over a single person's life. The final word, must always come from the hope of the gospel e.g. 2 Peter 1:3-4 "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."

Of course, every lifestyle has its challenges and opportunities. For singles, the two greatest challenges are loneliness and lack of accountability for life choices:

• Loneliness because we were made for community and that whilst they may be very loved, they do not feel "irreplaceable" in the same way that mummies and daddies or husbands and wives do.
• Lack of accountability because no one sees their life up close enough to lovingly challenge them. At its worst singleness can be an extended childhood of wasted time and money fuelled by the false dreams of our consumer society which tell us all to put ourselves first.

The greatest benefits however are that singles:

• Have a relatively large amount of free time and money and can direct it for great good
• Enjoy a broad range of deep friendships
• Have greater freedom to take godly risks and respond to needs as they arise

In the New Testament, both Jesus and Paul see the celibate single lifestyle as equal in value to marriage, Matt.19:12, 1 Cor.7:7, 32-34.

Sean mentioned last week that in marriage there is a picture of what God is like (as Trinity). If you go to a wedding you will hear the pastor say that marriage also reflects how Christ interacts with his people - the church. But what about singles? Can their lifestyles, like marrieds, also powerfully illustrate the gospel or are they doomed to a place where the only way they can express the gospel and validate themselves in the church and society is by becoming super-productive machines in church ministry and the workplace?

In Genesis, God blessed Adam and Eve and told them to scatter across the face of the earth and fill it with families that reflect the image of God through the life giving sexual union of marriage. But when Jesus came, he introduced a new order. He came not to scatter, but to gather one family from across the whole earth, one in which eventually, no one would be paired off in marriage, but all would be brothers and sisters in community together (Ecclesiastes 3:5, Luke 20:32-36).

Therefore, we live between two worlds. Earthly marriages and families are a wonderful prophetic echo of the one eternal family and they should be encouraged and defended by all (Heb.13:4), but they will one day pass away. A time is coming when Christians who have been married in this life will, in the New Creation, look back to their married life, I guess, in the same way that we all look back now to great friendships from our school days, that's to say, relationships we are grateful for, but no longer hanker after because a greater reality has superseded it and we have moved on into a new chapter of existence - eternal life.

So, both marriage and singleness, when done for Jesus' sake are powerful complimentary reminders of gospel truth.

Marriage reflects the corporate relationship Christ has with his church: how Christ sacrifices himself for the whole Church and how the Church submits herself to Christ. Ephesians 5:24-25

Celibate singles living in community reflect the “day to day” reality of our personal relationship to Christ and each other as it will be in the world to come. Christ calls us his dear friends because he shares his heart with us and one day we will reign with him as his adopted brothers and sisters in the new world John 15:15, 2Tim.2:12.

So to the singles we say:

• Jesus defines you more than your relational status - don't make your hunt for a spouse into an idol that consumes you.
• Prioritise the Kingdom of God in the use of your time (bible reading, prayer and ministry) and money.
• Commit yourself to others even when it hurts.
• Consider doing ministries families can’t easily do esp with the broken and needy.
• Lead the way in modelling what the new creation community will look like.

To the marrieds we say:

• Jesus defines you more than your relational status - don't make your spouse an idol or an excuse.
• Love the singles – listen to their hearts, don't turn them into projects
• Don’t assume marriage is the final destination for every single
• Encourage and praise them – who else will?
• Extend your family – Share your life with singles, not just because they can learn from you and prepare for marriage, but because we all need warm human relationships
• Don’t wait until they are marrying to give them things - As a bachelor, I got given a car by some dear friends.

Whatever our season of life and however long it goes on for, Jesus promises to be enough for us (Mark 10:29-30): “Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.”

Possible questions for discussion:

To the marrieds:

• How can you support singles in RFC to live for Jesus embracing the benefits and limiting the damage of the pitfalls in the single life?
• What encouraging stories / painful lessons do you have from your season as a single person that would be helpful for others to hear?
• How will the truth that in the New Creation none of us will be married any more help to healthily shape the way you do marriage and family life now?

To the singles:

• Do you see your singleness as a gift from God to be embraced or a curse from God to be escaped as soon as possible? Why?
• Are you sufficiently accountable to others for your life choices e.g. the way you spend your time and money? If not, what changes do you need to make?
• How are you fostering real community in your life and modelling what community in the new creation will be like for those watching you? What help do you need to do that?

Singleness Sermon Teaser

As a teaser for the upcoming sermon on singleness, here are two sets of results from the two surveys I wrote.

The first is from the singles saying how they view their singleness:

The second is the range of answers from the marrieds talking about what they felt the best thing about their singleness season was.

• Man speaking: Fun and freedom and enjoying the company of many girls.
• Free time was my time!
• Decision making flexibility in scheduling and activities
• Having more 'free' time to spend how I liked and with a range of people. I think I had a lot more time for friends because once you're married a lot of that time is spent with your partner. Being more flexible.
• Having good times with friends. Having more time to have to yourself for chilling or quiet times with God.
• You can do what you want when you want with no one else to take into consideration. You can spend your money how you'd like to and treat yourself without feeling guilty. You can spend more time with your friends. You spend a lot less time doing housework and boring "running a family" chores.
• Not having to worry about how selfish you were
• One of the best things was living with other guys of a similar age.
• Wasting away the hours playing computer games ... hang on ... maybe that wasn't so great after all
• Not answerable for how I spent money and more male attention.
• Being able to change my plans after stating them, without being held to them.
• Not being accountable in actions or decisions
• Spontaneity
• You can be as selfish with your time as you see fit- be social and polite or just not enter communal living.
• I have some awesome friends from uni, when I was single, who really are friends for life, and there when I need them. I was able to cultivate deep friendships with people.

And finally - an amusing, but poignant clip (Embedding disallowed). Found myself in that situation not a few times - although I didn't mention the divorce rate...

Why Young People Leave The Church After Leaving School

An interesting, honest view - from one of the creators of Veggie Tales, no less.

I don't like talking in silver bullet terms like this video suggests. Nevertheless, hat off to him for having the humility and guts to publically think it all through again from the bottom up.

A Thought on Speaking in Tongues

Before I continue, I want to declare I am no expert in this stuff - this posting is just a personal reflection / conclusion on musings to date - it is a work in progress. :-) I am happy to be corrected if error is found in the ensuing words.

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Whilst the "gift of tongues" is held by many Christians as a Biblical thing, the phenomenon of speaking in tongues is not the exclusive preserve of modern charismatic Christianity or even just Christianity. Other non-Christian religious movements use it too. It's easy to forget in a secular and functionally atheist Britain that just because a person speaks in tongues, doesn't make them "Christian." There are plenty of other "spiritual practices" that include tongues which do not find their origin in the heart of God or the Bible.

So the key is not can you or can't you speak in tongues, but if you can, how are you doing it and is it the Spirit of God who has given it to you or is it from another source?

Before I continue, I want to state clearly, that I do not believe that "speaking in tongues" is the mark of a "real" Christian. Receiving, loving and confessing that Jesus is Lord is.

That said, I do believe it is a gracious spiritual gift, which should be eagerly pursued (1 Cor. 14:1) and is received often, but not exclusively, by the laying on of hands. When this is done right and well, along with all God's spiritual gifts - both natural and supernatural, it builds up God's people both individually and corporately.

If it is true that the practice of tongues is not the universal preserve of the church, then how do we do it to the glory of God?  And how do we know if we are posessed of the Spirit of God, or a different spirit?

To put it another way, when a Hindu sits down to a meal he will no doubt thank one or many a deity from the Hindu pantheon for providing him with that food. A Christian will give thanks to the God revealed in Jesus Christ for his meal. Both men are eating, but doing it with different affections in the heart.

I realise I am about to paint with a broad brush, but... In many ecstatic religious movements, the aim is to empty your head, and to get to a trance often with the help of intoxicating (often illegal) substances and mood music (come to think of it, rather like a nightclub.) Speaking in tongues may form part of the journey to that trance or be the result of getting there. Whichever it is, the aim is to open yourself up to spiritual powers and to be posessed by them for the sake of gaining some blessing or power.

But Biblical spiritual gifts are a response to the revelation of God and a result of being filled with the Spirit of God for the love of God and the benefit of the world, not a means of strong arming his attention or blessing. For a good illustration of this, compare Elijah to the prophets of Baal in 1 Kings 18. The false prophets work themselves into a frenzy seeking to get impetuous Baal's attention so they can coax him into lighting the fire (kind of like this). Contrast that with Elijah, who God raised up as a man of prayer and filled with the Spirit for the task of calling the nation of Israel back to true worship. He simply glorifies God in his prayer and God answers mightily. The false prophets are all about their own efforts to attain, God's people are all about responding to his gracious initiation and doing everything to get in sync with what he is revealing and doing.

The God of the Bible is not interested in possession, at least not in the demonic, horror movie sense. He sends the Spirit to make his home with us, he knocks at the door of the heart, if we will only open the door and let him in. He wants to give us joy unspeakable and full of glory, to bring us into his counsel and share his heart with those who will receive him. Incredible when you think how big the Trinity is and how little we are.

My own best experiences of tongues are when God by his Spirit has impressed a truth of the Bible on me and helped me to see something of the weight, the depth and the glory of his salvation and the future hope to which we have been called, which I had never seen before and which leave me so overwhelmed that I cannot put intelligeable sentences together. (To be clear, I have never had a 2 Cor 12 style vision.) At that point, speaking in tongues is the only way I can bring "expression" to what I have been granted to see. (Rather like a boy running and holding on to an accelerating plane - either you have to let go or hold tight and take off) . My heart is full, my spirit rejoices, but my mouth can't keep up, unless it is transposed into another mode of expression.

It is also something I have witnessed at times of intense grief - prayers that go so deep intelligeable speech cannot express it as such.

Tongues given in public, must have an interpretation, otherwise it turns into powerplay, manipulation and abuse. I have never given a tongue for public interpretation in a church setting, nor have I ever interpreted one. I must confess that I have not eagerly desired it either. Not that I am proud of that, I'm just telling you where I'm at in my journey.

Most of all, Jesus said that true disciples shall be known by the fruit of their lives. The Holy Spirit will glorify Jesus. So judge a man not by the intensity of his tongues or any other supernatural activity, but by the growing fruit of the Holy Spirit in his life (Matt 12:33) and how that fruit is directed to God first and others second as per the great commandment (Luke 10:27). Does he exhibit increasing love for Jesus, increasing joy in Jesus, increasing peace in being united to Jesus, increasing patience to endure like Jesus, and wait on Jesus, increasing kindness and generosity of spirit toward Jesus, increasing goodness in believing Jesus, increasing faithfulness and gentleness towards Jesus and increasing self-control towards Jesus and by extension, showing all those qualities to others especially those in the "household of faith?"

Tongues, when employed in this context and for this purpose, as a means not an end, are a great blessing!

"If the Theologian of the 16th Century was a Lawyer, the Theologian of the 21st is an Ad Man"

As an occasional preacher, I found this blog post absolutely fascinating on how the mentality of marketing seaps into the church. It kept me and Elli going in discussion for nearly two hours afterwards.

You'll need at least half an hour to read it and watch all the videos he includes to illustrate his points.

And a related but different TED talk about the danger of the TED talk. Hats off to TEDx for having such a subversive speaker!!  The danger is not in the talk itself, but the way it packages information and how that presentation makes us feel. Placeboes on a whole new level.

A Paradigm for Understanding the Relationship Between Grace and Works

James Jordan comments on the relationship between God's grace and our labour as illustrated in the life of Jacob.

Just as he was about to cross over into the Promised Land, a "man" met Jacob and wrestled with him all night (Gen. 32:22-30). It was the Angel of the LORD, God Himself, Who wrestled with Jacob. Amazingly, Jacob "won" the fight, although we realize that it was a victory in grace, not in works. This passage is explained by Jesus Christ when He tells us that the Kingdom of God is open, and all men strive violently to enter it (Matt. 11:12, Luke 16:16). All his life, Jacob had desired to inherit the Covenant, and had wrestled to obtain this blessing. God approved of his actions. It had been God Who had set up the roadblocks in Jacob's way, to test and improve his character, but it had also been God who gave Jacob the grace and the will to persevere.

Then God crippled Jacob as a reminder that when we wrestle with God for His blessing, it is not our might that prevails, but His grace. Then we read, “Now the sun rose upon him just as he crossed over Penuel." Just as Jacob crossed the boundary into the land of promise, the sun rose. We can see him limping across the boundary, and the sun bursting up in its might behind him, a sign of the strength of God's people... who wrestle with God and prevail by His strength, scattering His enemies.